Clammy Hands and The Engineer

Dear Gossip Girl,

I am so not dating an Asian. I made sure the site will only match me with Whiteys and African Americans ... yet strangely I was matched with a Mexican yesterday? I should probably change my preference to just White because I've rejected everyone else. Also, as I lay in bed writing this, I can already feel the flames of hell ready and waiting to get me when my time comes.

So, I went on my first and second official online dates this past week. I'll start with date 1 (I won't be using any names just to save my ass, should anyone actually ever read this blog). The date was set on a Tuesday night. The plan was dinner and watching a hockey game. Sounds like fun, right? I thought so ... until I actually spoke to date 1 on the phone to set up plans. I suggested we check out a sports bar, eat dinner while watching the game, kill 2 birds with 1 stone. Plus, it being a first date, I didn't want it to be super awkwardly long in the event that we didn't click and I wanted to get out of there ASAP. Anyway, my suggestion of a sports bar was shot down and he wanted to do dinner at 6, then relocate to watch the wings. Do the math, that's a 4 HOUR FIRST DATE!!! It's awkward enough having that "get to know you" conversation and dragging it out for 4 hours seemed like torture. So, I show up to the restaurant, talking to one of my bff's on the phone for moral support and he happened to walk in the same time as me. We introduced ourselves and rather than a hand shake or head nod, he leaned in for an awkward half hug. I was totally caught off guard and slightly weirded out ... I don't like being touched by strangers. So we're in the restaurant, sitting, chatting, eating. All went well, the conversation was decent but I could already tell that it wasn't going anywhere and there was no interest on my end. Dinner ended around 7:30 and we walked to a bar down the street. Unfortunately, it wasn't a sports bar and the accommodations for TV watching were sub par. For us to both get a good view of the game we had to sit next to each other at a table for 4. We're sitting next to each other, watching the game, chatting. By this point he's had 3 beers and I've had 1/3 of a martini. Well, 3 beers must have gotten his confidence up because he started edging closer to me, brushing his leg against mine under the table, which lead to him putting his hand on my knee/thigh, squeezing it at one point, then moving it to the back of my chair and even rubbing my back. All the while I was scooting to the edge of my chair, crossing my legs away from him, doing everything possible to send the "I DON'T WANT YOU TOUCHING ME" signal. And to make matters worse, HIS HANDS WERE CLAMMY!! SO clammy that I could feel it through my sweater. UGH. I'm sorry, I may sound terrible, but that just grosses me out. I'm not into you, I don't want you touching me, AND your hands are sweaty. Can I go home now? On top of that, to make me feel even worse, he keeps talking about going out in the future and where we'll go, what we'll do. Knowing full well I have no desire to date him, I could only smile and nod in response. The awkward question of "so, have you met anyone else on 'this'" came up. Come to find out, I was only the second date he'd ever been on from his many months of being on chemistry.com. Here I am, in the email/pre-meeting stages with at least 5 other guys ... So I'm pretty much an online dating slut. Cool. Finally the game ends, the bill is paid and we're on our way out of the bar. It was cold so I put my hands in my coat pockets. He asks "may I?" and slips his hand through my elbow. Awkward. Isn't it supposed to be the girl who does that? Holds onto the man's arm? Whatever, just more unwanted touching. Now we're at my car ... the awkward goodbye. I guessed, based on the handsy-ness previously, he was going to go for a kiss, so as I said goodbye I gave him a half hug, saw him lean in for my face and pulled a strategic head turn, giving him nothing but cheek. Crisis averted, or so I thought until he tried for a second hug/kiss combo. Ballsy move, guy! I gave him an even lesser hug and barely any cheek. I get in my car, SO glad the date is over, and instantly call my friend to relay the gory details of my evening and laugh until I felt better. Basically, I consider date 1 a fail.

Date 2: The Engineer
My second date was tonight. I already had higher hopes for the evening because, based on date 1, I could really only go up from there. Also, date 2 and I had spoken on the phone a couple times and surprisingly the convos weren't awkward. We met up for dinner at 7. Conversation went well, we had plenty to talk about. Once we started eating it was slightly awkward, that silence when you're chewing and look up only to make eye contact and half smile with your mouth full ... yeah. Note to self: don't order food that has to be held, ie. a sandwich. For some reason I feel weird using my hands to eat on a first date. But I also read in Cosmo that guys judge you when you order a salad for dinner. Dilemma. Anyway, we made it through dinner just fine and headed over to a bar to watch a hockey game. Anyone notice a pattern here? Thankfully date 2 was not a repeat with sweaty hands and unwanted touching. We sat across from each other, enjoyed a few beers, watched my team lose :(. The waitress brought the bill and I offered to pay because date 2 bought dinner. He told me it was "lame", but I insisted. I feel bad having these dates pay for my food and drinks when I'm not sure I want to continue dating them, but I found it nice that he wanted to pay for it all. The bill is paid and we walk outside, he walks me to my car and gives me a hug goodbye, no lean in for the kill, and I told him to give me a call if he wanted to go out again sometime. I don't know if date 2 is someone I could date long term, but I wouldn't mind a second date. I consider date 2 a success.

All in all, I learned that I need to perfect my body language signals for "no touching", not to order sandwiches or "hand food", and to maybe suggest meeting for coffee rather than dinner to avoid dragging out an awkward situation.

Bring on date 3 ....