fatalism

The end of such things is usually imposed by such things as love/like/lust, as it were. My goodbye- ( I love long goodbyes ) letter to apw:

apw

I must preface with: this email won't mean anything to you, just as our time together meant nothing, as I, to you, meant nothing worth remembering. I write and send this letter knowing that your receiving/reading/deleting will effect you less than my thought of you now. Nonetheless, it means something to me to be able to make one last aspect of myself known to you.

At our beginning, I was afraid of being hurt by you and now I can see that what I thought was fear was really intuition. For me, nothing between us ever felt like anything of consequence but I thought more of you than to deny even fleeting happiness or lust by any other name.

And now, I feel like such a fucking dumbass for having ignored my own intuition--I wanted to discover in you some aspect of humanity and maturity beneath the surface, instead of trusting my friends and my initial instincts, I played your game too long and became another of your pawns.

I couldn't let it go unsaid or unknown to you that I've never been so disrespected by any man I've known. I never deserved to be so fucked with by someone like you. I hate that in this you have been able to make me feel so rejected.

But, in the end, perhaps this is my penance for wishing you could be more of a man than you could muster. I was made happy by the idea of you and am now punished by the reality of you.

The Lord does provide--if not opportunity, at the least lessons.

I hope you have read into this enough to stimulate your mind in ways you've never felt before.

You didn't get what it was you wanted. If anything was to have been learned, perhaps in your future efforts you will try being both honorable & honest in heart & words.

d.

Lessons, Happiness, Etc.

Aaaahh, I know I've probably been the least consistant with updating about dates and whatnot, so here it goes:

I've learned a valuable lesson with the whole online dating thing: never...NEVER date a writer. There was this guy who started e-mailing me, and he was incredibly charming. Very funny, seemed really articulate, the works. And he told me he was a sports writer (specifically hockey, so I thought you ladies would approve) for some local colleges. I decided to just go for it. HOLY AWKWARD DATE, BATMAN! Dinner took a little over an hour, and I couldn't get my ass out of that restaurant fast enough. First of all, he chose the restaurant, telling me how he hung out there a lot and whatnot...and all he did was complain about how loud and crowded it was. Hello? If you go there all the time, you know the atmosphere. Ugh. And it's not that he was just awkward to talk to...his mannerisms bugged the crap out of me. Lots of unfunny sarcasm (followed by dramatic eye rolls), inappropriate first date stories (I really don't care how much pot he used to smoke), and...drumroll please...he spent a good 10 minutes showing me pictures and videos of his cat. Oh wait, no...his roommate's cat. Gross. Does anyone else watch How I Met Your Mother? I wanted to Lemon Law him.

But on a happy note, I went on more dates with bowling guy. Dinner and board games was date 4, and we went to a movie and split a GIANT cookie on date 5. That's when I finally got my smooch, so I was a happy camper. After that, we finally crossed into hanging out at each other's houses Then I went on vacation for a little over a week, and we talked (mostly texts but a few phone calls too) every day when I was gone. We spent most of yesterday together, which was awesome. Which leads me to ask...

How does this competition thing work if you get a boyfriend out of the deal? :)

On The Fence

So since my last post i have been on 3 DATES WITH THE SAME GUY! this is pretty epic, seeing as the first 2 guys i went out with were duds. i'll break it down to make things easier ...

date 1: dinner. we went to dinner at an italian place near my house, he picked the location. it was a bit loud inside so rather than shout across the table, he sat next to me. conversation flowed really well, surprisingly. this guy was different from the others though, he was no nonsense with the emailing. we exchanged maybe 2 emails before he gave me his number and asked if i wanted to "meet up" (that always sounds sketchy to me). dinner lasted almost 2 hours and at no point did i want to run screaming from the restaurant. at the end of the night we parted ways without any physical contact, which was exactly what i preferred.

date 2: for our second date i went out his way and we went bowling and out to dinner. i wasn't on top of my game and lost, but it was a pretty good time! i was expecting just bowling then heading home, but he surprised me and invited me to get dinner. now, at this point he's spent a grand total of roughly $60 on taking me out, so when we went to dinner that night i offered to pay half. is it bad that i feel guilty having a guy take me out multiple times and pay for everything when i'm not totally into him? he looked a bit taken aback, but w/e. after dinner we hung out at his house (yep, he owns his own home! buttt has a roomie ... who is moving out at the end of this month). we watched tv in his basement for an hour or so. when it came time for me to leave it was a little awkward so i cut it short as quickly as possible and leaned in for a hug. he texted me on my way home saying he had a good time. WIN.

date 3: the tour. to keep our geographical location under wraps, i will abbreviate where we went as r.o.. so the plan was he was going to give me a tour of R.O. on foot. it was a really nice day so the plan sounded good to me. well, it ended up we just walked a few blocks from the parking structure to the restaurant. we got there around 7, which appeared to be peak happy hour time. the place was packed with businessmen in shirts and ties, top buttons undone, beers in hand. i have to admit i checked out a few of them, some of whom returned the looks. it was hard to have a conversation while eating because it was so loud, the non-talking seemed a little awkward to me but he just kept looking at me and smiling. after dinner we went back to his house and watched some basketball ... not my favorite sport to watch, but whatever. he drank a beer at dinner and was now yawning non stop and decided to lay down on the couch, his head a few inches from my lap, at one point. i was a little weirded out by this, not gonna lie. and now comes the time to part ways ... we were standing at his front door, doing that awkward dance, seeing if one of us would make a move and lean in for a lip lock. i let this go on for a few seconds before i went in for the hug. he pretty much wrapped me in a bear hug and i think he even smelled my hair ... awkward. after this, the entire drive home, i felt like a bad person, like i should have kissed him because it was the 3rd date. anyway, he has texted me since then but we haven't made any 4th date plans yet.

but really, as nice as this guy is, i'm on the fence about him. i don't get the butterflies when i think about him, when i see that he has texted me, or when i meet up with him to go out. maybe my expectations are too high?? i don't know ... i've always gotten butterflies with my past boyfriends and that's the feeling i'm looking for with this whole dating experiment.

ladies, i need advice/help. what should i do? keep going out with him until i decide how i'm feeling? ask him what he's looking for? don't go out with him again? ugh, so confusing.

Deal Breaker?

So, ladies. I need some opinions. This guy (the pole vaulter) I have been talking to revealed something a little alarming to me...

HE WAS MARRIED

Is this a deal breaker?

The Candy Man

Date 12: The Candy Man

So I had been e-mail back and forth with the Candy Man for over a month but he wasn't asking me to meet up at all. I uncharacteristically asked him if he would want to meet up and he did and he sounded excited about it. Yay! We met for drinks at the bar by my apartment. Convenient but I didn't really think this one through entirely. It was a little awkward when we walked in and I got recognized by the bartender because I am a "regular." I love being a "regular" at a bar (you all know that) but I'm not sure it's the best first date introduction. We joked about it a little and I don't think it bothered the Candy Man. We talked for a couple of hours and we seemed to have a lot in common, it was very much enjoyable. I hope he thought so too because I'd like to go out with him again. I haven't heard anything from him, but it's only been a little over a day. Here's to hoping!

The Woman I'm Kind of Dating

No, I have not started playing for the other team, I still very much prefer the peen. It just so happens that coffee guy acts like more of a woman in relationships than I do, hence his new nickname...The Woman! Anyway, on to the story, also known as date numero 11 for me. So after the whole premature "will you be my girlfriend?" fiasco he came over to watch a movie. It was going fine until the movie ended and he said we needed to have "a talk about us." Seriously, on the 4th date? Basic gist of the conversation, he went on another date but thought of me the whole time and wants to be more serious, I told him I was really busy right now (not a lie) and it didn't seem like a good time for me to jump into anything. Is it bad to not like someone because they like you too much? It sounds weird but honestly I think I need someone way less intense right now.

back in the game!

OH EM GEEE, IT FINALLY EFFING HAPPENED!! ....

no, i'm not talking about meeting "the one", i'm talking about a DATE. after over a month of a dry spell and pointless emails with 3 new guys, one had the balls to ask me out to dinner. we're going out tonight to an italian place near my house. i'm actually looking forward to this date. unlike the previous 2 dates i've been on, this new guy and i haven't exchanged tons of emails, so i don't know that much about him, thus we will have plenty to talk about (or at least i hope that will be the case).

on another note, i really must say that chemistry.com is a crock of shit, and so are all of the stupid commercials. i haven't had a "new match" in over 2 weeks. WTF?! i'm considering calling and complaining, asking for a month free or something.

so an update on the engineer i went on 1 date with ... he texts me on a fairly regular basis butttt hasn't suggested we go out again. what the heck is up with that? i'm close to cutting things off. he lives an hour away and i don't think there's much of a spark, we'll see.

one last thing, unrelated, L. Lo, some friends and i are going out this saturday ... SO excited!

live a little

Ladies! my loves! please keep writing! we have to inspire each other!

(My fish life is a bit of a mess right now, esp. in regards to apw... did I mention that he said, "don't laugh, but would you want to go out with me?" did I mention it was at a very, very interesting (pseudo-intimate) time? My response, "You have terrible timing. And I don't even know what that means." What the shit. L.Lo's been coaching me through the whole ordeal. SIGH.

more later, lots of loves, but keep posting!

Quote of the Day

"We turned into the slutty Easter bunnies."

The Key to a Stellar BJ

"Lots of hands and lots of enthusiasm."

Vegas, anyone?

So I went on 2 dates with the pilot. I get a text tonight kinda saying it's been a long time what are you up to tomorrow? I say I have class all day then am watching hockey with "friends." By friends, I mean soccer boy.

Anyways, he's like "oh, I have a free trip to Vegas. Just checking."

I couldn't go anyways cuz I have my first clinical on Friday morning but...BEAT THAT, BITCHES!

Quote of the Day

"Yeah, seems like you've gargled some cum in your days."

"That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

2 traps

there are 2 traps, listen up:

trap 1: girl falls for guy who isn't that into her. she falls before seeing reality; MOST of the IDEA of the thing is made up in her head by thinking/lusting about him, little/no basis in realty.

trap 2: girl decides to fall for attention given by guy who she is originally only slightly into/physically/sexually attracted to; she falls for the attention he gives her, loves the attention, in time, she translates to liking/loving him; this is the definition of settling. even if he is pretty great.

Does one represent ZenFish, (real life)? The other apw, (real life)?

I don't know.

I'm just worried I'm going to 1. get myself trapped (by agreeing to being exclusive with apw, in the event that that could be a pending question) or 2. lose something potentially great by either answering yes or no (to apw, with apw) or 3. never know the potential greatness of something for lack of effort/strength/insight/instinct (with all the fish in the sea and ZenFish in particular).

Quote of the day/Text from last night.

"(586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis."

--From texts from last night

and 3 becomes 5

are there 5 of us now? i think i am missing a lot.

i need to find more fish before i end up married to apw. he came over again last night. and left early this morning. need fish.

Quote.

"mayday mayday! Abandon ship! You're getting fucked in a bad way."

Ummmm....

I don't know what to say..on so many levels. I don't know what to title this blog post. I don't know what to say about some of these guys (yes, Other Match Girl I have seen the same text phenomenon). But most importantly...I don't know what to say to the guy that just asked me to be his girlfriend!!!! Yeah, you read that right.

Here's the story: I knew coffee guy liked me a  lot. I guess that whole "He's Just Not That Into You" guy is right, when a guy really does like you, he lets you know it! But today he asked me to be his girlfriend and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I can't sort through my thoughts enough to write in eloquent prose so here it is:
1)  He asked me out via text message! Lame. We will be having words about that. But actually it kind of works out nice because I am able to figure out what I want to say before I reply.
2) We've only been on 3 dates (the 3rd of which was date 10 for me btw)!!! Am I crazy for thinking that is super soon? I mean I don't even know his last name!
3) I like him, I think. He's nice and sweet and I've had a lot of fun with him. But the whole girlfriend thing so soon (and via text) is kind of freaking me out. Do I really want that kind of guy? I'm not sure whether or not it should be a deal breaker though. Thoughts?
4) In past experiences if a relationship gets too serious too fast I freak out and end it. Sometimes I regret that later. Part of me wants to do that here. But at the same time maybe I should stop running away because I'm scared.
5) I feel like the fact that I don't know what I want to say isn't a good sign, right? I mean I feel like you should WANT to start a relationship with someone. You should be excited about it. Maybe that's just my romantic fantasies talking, but does the fact that I don't feel that way mean I should give up on it completely?
6) Plus, I don't know if I want to be exclusive just yet. I mean, I just started having some fun playing this whole "dating" game! There is still another guy I'm talking to from the site that I would like to meet. Plus, I've got my little secret neighbor crush that I want something to happen with. I don't think I know coffee guy well enough to know if I want to take myself out of the game for him just yet. Or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse not to deal with a relationship. Am I over thinking this?
7) I don't think I have time for a boyfriend, honestly. I barely have time for school and my 2 jobs (plus all the other crap I have managed to get myself signed up for). Even if I wanted to see him everyday I couldn't, there aren't enough hours in the day. I feel like starting a relationship now would be dumb because I would never be able to do anything anyway.

Given all the thoughts above, here's where I think I'm at. I'm definitely not ready to be his "girlfriend" but I don't think I want to completely discard him yet either. And because I can't wait forever to reply (I figure I have until I get off work today, I mean it's plausible that I didn't check my cell at work, right?), this is what I'm thinking of saying (I will be replying via text since the question was asked via text...its only fair. Hopefully the reply is 160 characters or less).

"Are you really asking me that question via text? :) I like you too and I would like to keep seeing you but I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet. Especially with how busy my life is right now with school and everything."

Do you think that's fair? Based on all my mini rants above does that seem like I good move? Let me know your thoughts? I could use some outside eyes looking at this situation.

 ______

On a separate note, I have another meeting Wednesday night that secret neighbor crush will be at. How do I make him ask me on a date? I think I kind of really like this guy and in light of recent events would like to see if there is the possibility of anything there sooner rather than later.

Text confidence??

I've been noticing a pattern lately, and I was wondering if anyone else has experienced/ noticed this too. Ok...so I've talked to/ gone out with a few guys now, and a lot of the time, I feel like they're hiding behind the security of text messeging. Don't get me wrong, I text as much as (if not more than) the average person. However, some of these guys rely too heavily on it to establish a connection, you know? For example: a guy I went to grade school with found me on Facebook and asked for my number. I thought it'd be nice to catch up with him, so we started talking, and he asked if I wanted to go to a movie with him (all via text messeges). Fine. So we go to the movie, and we barely talked before or after it, and I went home. Two minutes after I left the theater, I got a messege from him telling me how hot I looked and asking where his goodnight kiss was. WTF? And now I get a lot of messeges from him asking me out, calling me "hun" and "babe" and whatnot. It's weird. I also gave my number to a guy on Match, and we had some pretty good conversations (again via text), but when we talked on the phone, it was super awkward. Lots of pauses, no humor...ugh. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and we have a date set for later this week...so I guess we'll see.

On a happier note, I've been on 3 dates with bowling/arcade guy, and they've all been a lot of fun! Tonight we went to dinner and an improv show. I gotta say...as funny as it was, the sketch about vibrators was a little awkward.

Quote of the Day

I'll let you figure out where this one came from...

"Wear something slutty! He's buying you expensive beef, its the least you can do."

Introducing...

THE CARL TEST.

I almost forgot! We met a nice friend at the bar last night and developed a name for the famous "dick in your mouth" test. For those who are not familiar, the test is a little something like this: You are wondering if you like this guy. Is there anything there? Or are we just friends? You ask yourself "Can I picture his dick in my mouth?" I'll let you figure out how to interpret the results.

So, now we shall say someone passes/fails The Carl Test. Because, let's be honest, have you ever met a Carl whose dick you wanted in your mouth? Exactly. THE CARL TEST.

If you have guy friends who would like to use a similar test (would I go down on her?), we shall name that The Rita Test. Same reason, obs.

Mmmk. Bye bye now.

I WIN.

I may not go on the most dates.

I may not even go on good dates.

BUT...I did go on the most expensive date! Holler.

I went out tonight with this guy and we went to the Chop House. It's a pretty damn expensive steak house. His boss recommended it to him...he had no idea it was that expensive when he suggested it to me. I have to say, it was obviously a little much for a first date but we both decided it was kind of fun to have an excuse to get a fancy dinner.

FYI, I got steak, lobster and some yummy mashed potatoes. AND peanut butter chocolate chip cheesecake. It was fucking good.

Back to the boy...we shall call him Sir Pause A Lot. He had that thing where it just takes him a few seconds longer than everyone else to start talking. I sometimes would pause then just keep talking to avoid awkward silence when he was probably just doing his little delay thing before he started talking. It was kind of...weird. But he was nice enough. I definitely liked the food better than the guy. But I will give him a chance again since he did cough up more than $50 for me to eat dinner. Did I mention he doesn't have a real job?! He's an intern and going to grad school. Haha. What was he thinking?! I totally gave him an out. He could have picked Red Robin or Olive Garden. I don't give a shit! His choice...and I'm not complaining.

Anyways, I think it's only fair to give him a chance. But my first impression is it's probably not going anywhere. We'll see. Either way, I got some damn good dinner!

Happy hunting ladies!

The Real World

Ok so I suck in the real world. I've now got this whole online-first-date thing down. I'm quite good at these "fake" dates if I do say so myself! But when it comes to the real world....HELP! I have two situations that I could use some advice on.

Situation 1 - So I don't know why this is, but when I'm dating someone, that's when I find all sorts of other people I want to date. For example, when I was dating my high school boyfriend I met a couple other guys that I had little mini crushes on (wonder why that relationship didn't last?) Anyway, on to my present day problem....So I met this guy through regular means that I really like. Problem is, I have no way to get in touch with him that wouldn't be super creepy, like find your work e-mail on the company website creepy. I see him about once a month at a meeting we both attend. He lives in the building behind mine so we walk home together sometimes, but that's about the extent of our interaction outside of meetings. How do I try and make something more happen without being creepy? And keep in mind you are talking to me, so me asking him out is not an option. Suggestions?

Situation 2 - So there is this guy I met via this little game/competition/social experiment/boredom buster that I actually kind of like. We're kind of getting to the point where it wouldn't be just "online dates" anymore, not that we'd be all exclusive or serious right away but it's starting to feel more like real dating (make sense?). Anyway, I am like real dating challenged so the whole thing kind of freaks me out. I'm not really looking for answers on this or anything, just wanted to rank a little about my specialness.

Shenanigans, etc.

Well, the prank was executed beautifully! I told my friends all about this guy who I met online and how he was coming out to the bar to meet me...and to my surprise they were very happy about it! When their friend came into the bar, their jaws dropped to the floor, which was priceless! I'm counting it as date number 1! Things with the guy didn't work out...turns out we have NOTHING in common, but it's nice that we both recognized that.

I've been on two dates with another guy, and they both went really well. The first one was on Valentine's day...which was a little weird, but it was fun. We went bowling and got dinner, which ended up being one of those 4 hour first dates...but it definitely felt like less, which is good, right? I just got home from date number 2: Batting cages/arcade/mini golf and food after. We have plans to go to an improv show this weekend...I kind of like these "non-traditional" dates.

So...I suppose my tally is up to 3. I feel like I'm way behind the rest of you!

I'm in LOVE

Ok so I admit, the title is misleading. But it got your attention, no? And it's not a total lie. For my 2nd date with coffee guy, I went over to his house to watch a movie. It was there that I fell head-over-heels in love with his dog!! Cutest thing ever (apart from my baby of course). They guy isn't too bad either, but it's too early to take an official stance on him just yet. Anyway, that was date number seven.

And now the story you've all been waiting for...my date with the fireman!!! I have two words to sum up this date...UTTER DISAPPOINTMENT. It was a Valentine's day date with a fireman, it should have been awesome! I blame the calendar creators for giving me unrealistic expectations when it comes to firemen. This guys wasn't bad looking, but he was no Mr. July!! And as good as he looks on paper (fireman, works at Children's hospital), well it didn't translate to personality. Too bad. Anyway, for those of you counting, that's eight. Are you all catching on as to how badly I want you to visit me? Hope so.

POF Date #1: DJFish

Last night was my first interwebs date and I have to say, I hated it. I actually felt SAD when it was done. So sad I called and texted BS and apw after (didn't tell them exactly why; my great aunt died on vday so I kinda worked with the weird dysphoria from that experience).

We met at Borders (bookstore) where there is the Seattle Coffee cafe; we met there, he came up to me. He was dressed nicely (just came from work) but in like a "dude-who-dresses-himself" way--So it was like he was trying but it does not pan out--he looked NOT like a JCrew model, or like a Funeral Director, but like a guy who is the manager at Best Buy. And his hair, was terrible, like long and super-straight, and combed really dumb, sigh sigh sigh. He was super nervous at first so I just talked. And I bought him his tea; it just seemed easier. I need someone who is more forward and focused.

#1 complaint (mixed with other complaints): the photos on his profile were from a skinnier time; like 100-150 lbs skinnier. He had mentioned once in emails how working out was newly important to him; how he was finally making the commitment to take care of his body once and for all.... guess I should have guessed; and then he brought up "being the fat kid" and "being forced to take all these pills (OCD, ADD, etc.)" and "sweating sitting down for no reason." Mom issues, major roommate issues (roommate is in love with a stripper...) Sounds like damaged baggage. So, I am not physically attracted to him in reality--photos were cute, fuck it all. Hey, L.Lo, we need a code for the test: can I picture his __ in my mouth? Think of something. Anyway, no, I could not picture it. Nope no no no.

Anyway, I feel totally discouraged. It wasn't terrible, I just think I was disappointed, maybe I expected too much, like that he would be normal, and look like his pics, etc. I kinda don't even want to see him again--I could tell he was so sad after 2 hours when I was like, I gotta go. 2 hours! That's long enough! And he hugged me in the parking lot after walking me halfway to my car, I said, we'll be in touch; now I'm sad I said that, BUT I don't think he'll have the balls/confidence to call to ask me out; texting and emails will not work. I'm pretty sure I am going to lose this competition, but that's okay, I want to go to MN anyway ;-) But also, I just can't get into quantity; getting into confidence is hot, but the numbers aren't making sense. I am totally down to try some speed dating, totally game. Please see what you can find out!

But I feel discouraged, I don't even want to log in to POF and see what else is new. I don't have anything promising really. Blah.

In other news, makeout session with apw on vday, he brought flowers, haha. Going to see BS Wednesday (were going to have dinner but now prob just going to Ski Mt. to watch his team race (he f'ed his shoulder last week).

I think I need more eggs, because apw's lines are starting to sound good and I really like that BS has invited me on his summer weekend trips. I'm now madly in love with a local guy at a restaurant that I frequent; my goal is to bring him to drink on Thursday, but to avoid inviting via facebook, I need to go in for dinner tonight or tomorrow but my week is pacted like sardines in a tin can. Even my lil sister says, restaurant egg is into me and that I should hook up with him. I'd love too, thx k bai.

Outlook: Grim

So lately I have been feeling rather let down and disappointed by my chemistry.com experience. They keep matching me with unattractive, unappealing men! Maybe my standards are just too high? I dunno .... And to make matters worse, I was watching Fox News this morning at the gym and the hosts were talking with a dating/online dating specialist. He named the best 2 online dating sites and worst 2. I'm sure you can guess which site he named as one of the worst 2. I must say I'm not all that surprised. Here's the link if anyone is interested in checking it out: http://www.foxnews.com/search-results/m/29001806/looking-for-love-on-the-internet.htm#q=dating

I'm jealous of you 2 match girls, I wish I could wink at people and browse through nearly unlimited profiles. I think I'm going to expand my efforts into the non-online dating realm. Speed dating? Would any of you local ladies be interested in giving it a shot with me? Think about it, it's only a 3 minute conversation with multiple men and we'd have each other there for support and laughs. Maybe 3 is the magic number, like how we set a 3 date minimum to decide if the guy has relationship potential. The 3 minute conversation could indicate if a guy has first date potential. Plus, you get "free appetizers" at most of them. Incentive? I think so. Who's with me??

Break Up Letter

So one side of the 3 date rule that blows is the whole "breaking up" with people, if you can call it that. I mean, you're not really "dating" after 3 dates. But yet it's a little too far into it to do my usual tactic of "ignore until they go away." So what does that leave? I was at this very cross-roads with the teacher to the point where I was googling "how to break up with someone you aren't really dating." Which BTW there are some great sites that come up with that, sites that make you feel pretty good about you life. Anyway, I digress, the main reason for the post is to share with you a lovely resource Lo and I discovered as we were pondering my little predicament. See the link below, aka the solution to all your problems!

http://www.dearjohn.com/

p.s. In case you were curious I opted for the "don't flat out say its over but don't suggest another meeting response and hope he gets the picture" reply. Hope it works!

Intro

Sorry it's a little late in the game, but I've been told I should finally introduce myself...so here I go!

I joined match.com about 2 weeks ago. So far no dates to report on, but I have one planned for Sunday. Is that weird? To have a first date on Valentine's Day? I didn't even really realize it until after we planned everything...and the guy seems really nice and planned everything around my schedule so I thought I'd go for it! We seem to have quite a bit in common and since I haven't been on a date from the site yet, I'm pretty excited. I'll update after Sunday!

Ok, so I have a really funny story. Match tells you who you...well...match up with, and there was this guy who I thought was pretty cute, so I "winked" at him. So he sends me an e mail, taking note of the very small school I went to and the very small town it's located in, telling me that one of his best friends graduated from and still lives there. I noticed his hometown and it happened to match that of a friend of mine who I went to school with who still lives in town. (is this even making any sense? It's tough without giving away any real info!) Anyway, long story short, it turns out this guy is going to be a groomsman in the same wedding in which I'm going to be a bridesmaid this summer! Truth be told, I'd really like to use this as an opportunity to prank the hell out of our mutual friends, who happen to be visiting this weekend: "Oh my God you guys! I met this guy online a few days ago, so I invited him to hang out with us tonight! I think you'll really like him!" Thoughts?

No wonder you're online dating...

But what does that say about me?

Good quotes (via text):

"What r u looking for?"

"Who is this?"

"_____ from eHarmony."

That is the first text you send me...ever?!

"What's up, u of m?"

"How is ms. gretzky doing?"

How bout you pick the 2 worst nicknames for me...ever...in a 3 minute timeframe.

"R u lookin to get to know a cool guy"

Yeah...do you know one?

"Why did you quite?"

Uhh...you mean quit?

Seriously. It is not a mystery why you are single. You are WEIRD and CREEPY. You can't even text right.

Next on the horizon--a pole vaulter. Hahaha. You couldn't make this shit up.

Okay. WELL, I think you're hot and that counts for a lot

Ginger be feedin' me lines! Gah!

texts from right now:

d./v. = me

Ginger=apw=him

d./v. So did you win the fight? I've got money on you winning.

apw Yeah i won the fight

d./v. Hot.

apw Thank you :) i happen to think you wearing a suit and buying a house is hot

d./v. lol. I'm actually pretty badass. I just have to make it all look socially acceptable on the surface.

apw :) i happen to like you

d./v. Yeahhh well think about what I said the other night, because though I'm very attracted to you, what I know of you makes me apprehensive.

(What I said the other night: re: his 'liking' me: "I don't understand it, for one, but no need to get existential. My initial impression of you is of a player; based on your actions that first night with me and then the redhead girl; and I'm curious about the conversation you shared with the guys following." Basically, first time I met him, he was super drunk, totally up in my shit, I liked it; I 'broke the ice,' if you know what I mean. I had to leave party because my cockblocking friend was pissy that she wasn't getting any attention. As I was saying goodbye to the hosts of the party, who happened to be BS and others, apw starts making out with this other redheaded chick; makingout hardcore, like BLOCKING THE EXIT HARDCORE MAKINGOUT. Then, the next day, I hear from BS and the other guys/hosts of that party that apw mentioned that I was touching his apw. Not cool, not cool, I don't think anyone saw/knew, so who the fuck said something, Oh, I'm guessing it was apw himself. I didn't get all the details, but basically, BS told me that after I left, the redhead girl left, which left apw alone and asking about me. He wanted someone to hookup with, I'm guessing. Anyhow, I have NO IDEA what was said btwn the guys, but BS was texting me that night during the boychat, and said, "the big redheaded guy [apw] wants you, should i send him over?".....then, "Oh no no I'm not picking on you I'm just saying you weren't going to hookup with him, right?" (actually, this convo carried on btwn BS and I into sort of cute/flirty, BUT anyway).)

apw I will, i'm really not as bad as you think :)

d./v. I'm not so concerned about you being 'bad' as I am about you being real. Real is important.

apw I understand what you mean.

d./v. And if you don't that's fine. We can figure it out. Or not. Everything is chill. You're fucking great. I'm totally awesome. And for now, it is what it is.

apw I want to figure it out, cause i really like you; you are awesome and i'd think we would be great :)

d./v. Okay. I think you're hot and that counts for a lot.

apw Well i'm glad you think the same as i do :)

d./v. I've got to go embalm. Get some rest.

WHAT THE SHIT LADIES. COMMENTS PLEASE. POSTING IN HASTE BECAUSE L.LO IS GOING TO BED.

P.S. Also, it should be said that BS and apw are boys I actually met first in the real world.

P.P.S. Am I ruining the concept of all ya'lls blog by posting about my WHOLE (slutty) life?

Just Say No?

HELP!!! So I have this problem where I can't say "No!" (No, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter.) But seriously, after date 3 with the teacher and still nothing, I've decided it's not worth pursuing anymore. I thought my "run away when he tried to kiss me" move would maybe send him a hint. But no, he messaged me and wants to get together again. He has all sorts of plans for us! My usual tacit is to just ignore. But I feel like after 3 dates he deserves a little more than that. No? Fuck. What do I do?

On a totally seperate and side note, am I a bad person for not going out with a guy because he's too short? I'm sorry but 5'4" is not an acceptable man height!

Fish & Shit

Shit! Fuck! The shit is hitting the fan! The fish are on the floor!

TODAY:

Stalker-divorced-dad-of-3 in IN: He guessed that I have a crush on our mutual friend, the guy I met Stalker through. I could FEEL Stalker's heartbreak when he realized once and for all "She's just not that into me" (because she has had a mad crush on the other guy for years before she met me, not to mention I'm ).

BS: quizzed me about the time I spent with APW on Sunday and what I thought of APW. I refused to give any opinion-adjectives. And tried to change the subject in a way that seemed like I was not trying to change the subject. So sly. L.Lo wants to know WHY I am trying to dodge the bullet, she wants me to make BS cry, I think. He DOES deserve it though.

Girls be pimps too. Oh, and by the by, this weekend BS slept over at the fh; I saw him 3 nights in a row. On Sunday, I invited APW to the SuperBowl party I attended, and we made out hardcore (on the streets of Ann Arbor, yeahbaby, can you say Freshman year?!). How are we counting non-interweb dates? I still don't even know what a date constitutes as. I might have been on a bunch, or none.

BUT, I also asked Fish #1, "DJ Fish," on a date/suggested that we meet. Sorry ladies, I couldn't wait! I didn't see the point in investing more in emails (we email most every other day, at least). He was like, 'glad you did, because I'm kinda chicken when it comes to making the first move.' Uhh, well, that sucks, because I want a guy who will make A move. We'll see. This is the start of my 10 days on, which means the earliest I could make plans is this next Monday. We shall see. Date suggestions? Location suggestions, L.Lo? (Btwn here and Ferndale).

I think I'll be drowning another fish that was a potential because of the fact that he is more interested in my work. He asked for an 'appointment' to come 'observe me while I work.' I told him off like this: "It's nice that you are interested in my work--however, I'm not interested in being a poster-child or in being interviewed on the topic of my profession or observed. I am not the gateway to all the unknown. Maybe you read my frustrations regarding this

exact dilemma in my profile? Besides, I would not allow the sacred tasks entrusted to me to become a spectacle for the sake of entertaining curiosities. There are plenty of books and films on the subject for the purposes you seek; I am not necessary in this equation." Plus, I can tell he's trying to sound smarter than he probably is. No go, baby, no go.

Another fish, looking for "Email/Talk" (as opposed to "dating" "hanging out" "long term" "sexual encounters" etc.), because he is moving to Texas soon, thinks I am interesting and weird and he likes it. He asked if I text. To which I have not responded. Maybe a good friendship/pen pal, but for love or something, no.

Another fish, "Rockabilly" fish likes me because he thinks I "sound intelligent." He's pretty pompous and self-important--but he's hot. Worth the fishflakes, I think.

3 dates, really?

So Clammy hands called me ... 3 TIMES! First on Wednesday night, he left a voicemail which I didn't listen to. He called again Thursday night, leaving yet another voicemail ... also didn't listen to it. Friday, I get an email from a friend saying Clammy Hands contacted her via FB and asked if she would put in a good word for him. Ugh, seriously? I was really hoping he would get the message by my lack of response that I don't really want to go on a second date with him. Guess not. Well, guilt got the better of me and I called him back. The conversation was awkward small talk and lead into him saying he'd like to see me again and do I have any free time this week. My week is pretty busy, for real, like actually busy, not me making stuff up. I told him I'd get in touch to make plans next week. I'm dreading it. I know protocol for this is a 3 date minimum and I want to win, but I don't know if I have the heart for another date with Clam, let alone 2.

On a more positive note, I was supposed to have date #2 with the engineer this weekend. Unfortunately I had to cancel because I wasn't really feeling up to it. He's a bit busier than me so we will probably have a bit of trouble rescheduling, but I'm okay with that. I'm actually looking forward to date #2.

In light of receiving some new matches and finding that all fell into the "reject" category, I decided to change some of my match criteria. For example, the age range of men I am looking for is no longer 22-35, but 22-30 ... and it is "very important" that my matches have not been married before. Today I had a new match who was 23 and DIVORCED! Is it just me or does anyone else see a problem with that? Anyway, so yeah, hopefully the minor changes will bring in better matches....

P.S. Those of you ladies who are in my area (basically not match girl), we should all go out for valentine's day, get really drunk, and harass any happy couple we see. Think about it.

for something...

emails emails emails..back and forth. I have no idea how far (how long) to take these emails before I demand some meetings or just give up. Some important compatibility things have to be decided in person! Maybe I'm working too hard to verify a connection via emails; these eggs are starting to rot. One fish in particular, time to meet to continue the conversation, maybe to meet again, maybe to keep fishing. I've lost interest in other fish/eggs, though they have not. We talked last week about waiting till he asks you out... I'm getting bored. Even once we decide to meet, there is the factor of my fucked schedule which keeps me from being able to do these things readily. Sigh. So many frustrations.

At least I've had two (or more, what counts as w date?!?! DEFINE.) dates this weekend. And I madeout with a ginger. And had a (wholly platonic sleepover at the fh) with the guy who thinks I'm too tall. And I talked on the phone to an old flame (/nothing will probably ever happen friend) for 2.7 hours yesterday. Swoon. Sigh.

Ha. Ladies, what the shit. Not to mention, I fucking hate valentine's day. Thank god I'm working a 48+ hour shift.

3 strikes and you're out!

So earlier tonight was date 3 with the teacher. I had been on the fence about him so I figured I would give it another shot. Let's just say I wont be needing a 4th date. It turns out 3 is the magic number of dates it takes to decide on someone. In actuality I really only needed 2 dates and the prospect of the 3rd to decide. I figured it was a bad sign when I wanted to cancel when he called me to get my address to come and pick me up. We had made plans to go to a movie yesterday but once it was actually time for it, I didn't want to go, I was kind of dreading it. And maybe it's because I have an unrealistic notion of "true love" (thanks Disney) but I like to think there's something more out there than dread. Call me crazy, but I want excitement!

Things didn't get much better when he picked me up in a pick-up truck. For those of you who don't know me very well...I HATE pick-up trucks. Unless you are hauling something very large, there is no need for you to have a truck! Unnecessary. Anyway, that little rant aside, the movie we went to was a Spanish film, his choice, though I did find it to be a good movie. We got there a little late and walked into the theater right in the middle of a crazy sex scene...a little awkward. As could be expected with foreign films, there was a lit of sex. The teacher looked very uncomfortable through the whole thing and would giggle like a little girl at the sex scenes. During one extra long sex scene he seemed extra awkward and grabbed his jacket and put it over his lap. I'm not trying to imply anything but those are the facts, read into them as you will. Other than that he would lean over to me through out the movie to ask me questions about what was happening or to explain parts of the movie in case I didn't get what was happening. A little annoying, a little insulting. My favorite part was when he leaned over to ask me what GHB was. Let's be real, I'm like the opposite of a druggie but I still know of GHB. Is it really possible to be 29 years old and not have even heard of GHB?

After the movie we went to grab a beer at a nearby bar/restaurant. It was a conversation filled with lots of "gosh" "geeze" and even a few "gollies" thrown in there. I felt a little like I was talking to my grandpa. I tried to tell a funny story from work but he didn't get it. I got retold a few of his stories from previous dates. And the awkward pauses with the dreamy looks were still there. I finished my beer quickly in hopes of leaving but he drank his slower than I have ever seen anyone drink a beer.

Eventually though we did leave and when we got out to the car he had a parking ticket (I told him I thought the meters we're still enforced). I felt kind of bad that he got a ticket, this date was turning out to be very expensive for him. I'm not sure what the protocol is on this, if your date gets a ticket are you obligated to a good night kiss? He definitely wanted a kiss but by the end of the date I wasn't really feeling it at all. He did the whole put-the-car-in-part-unbuckle-and-lean-in-thing, but I did the whole say-thanks-and-get-out-of-the-car thing. He wants for me to call him again...don't know that I will be though.

While the teacher isn't going to be my future, my dates with him did teach me some things. Like the fact that the 3 date rule is true. So if you're ever wondering about a guy, give it 3 dates and you'll know. Also, I learned that it's not enough just to be a good guy, I need more. I obviously I don't want an ass, but I need someone who's fun, someone who has a good drinking story, someone who I can joke around with and laugh with, someone that can go a little crazy. I feel like it's a total bitch thing to say, but too good can be a little dull and I like I said, I want excitement! Better luck next time.

You know you love me,
xoxo

P.S. For those of you counting I am now at 6! Start planning your trips to the land of 10,000 lakes (yes, I will hold you all to it).

Minor Setbacks.

So...date #2. I went out with the pilot (again). I was supposed to go out with him on Wednesday but I wasn't feeling well so we rescheduled to Friday night. We met and he drove to Waterford from Novi to go to the Lion's Den. It was...weird. He lived in Waterford for awhile but seriously you want to drive all this way (K, I'm talking like past my parent's house) to go to some weird ass restaurant in Waterford? It was just strange to me.

Also, he ordered crab cakes and asparagus. Not a potato. Asparagus. He is a man and he ordered CRAB CAKES and ASPARAGUS. And...we were talking about music and I asked what he likes. He couldn't give me a favorite band, which I could understand being hard. So I said like...top 5? He couldn't even give me an example of 1 . Is it just me, or is that weird? Maybe I'm just being picky. Or maybe I'm just really not that into it. I don't think I am that intrigued by him. I'm not that curious to know more. Plus all he really talks about is being a pilot and his BMW. I honestly don't know much else about him besides that. Oh, and I know he seems to like me. Like, a lot. We'll see.

Now, my setback. I was texting a certain someone before I went out with Pilot and he didn't text me back--I'm not sure if my weirdness/being not so much into Pilot had to do with being caught up that G didn't respond. I'd like to think not, but I just am not sure. I can't figure out how I feeeel. All I know is after a minor eggs in the basket setback, I am recommitted to my plan. G was the reason for this plan. I just need to distance myself a little bit.

Easier said than done...

Coffee and Conversation

I'm going to try and Kill multiple birds with one stone here in this post. We'll see how it goes.

First Bird: I agree with you Ms. Chemistry, the excitement and appeal of this experiment has dwindled a little. However, I have something that will put all the excitement back into it...I HAVE A DATE WITH A FIRE FIGHTER!!!! Well maybe that just puts the excitement back into it for me, but if you stick with it, you too could have a date with a fire fighter! I mean a part from finding Mr. Right, I think a fireman is like the second best motivation.

Second Bird: Ok, this is going to come off sounding bad, and I promise I am not turning into one of these girls, but...I just don't have time for all these guys!!! I mean my schedule is busy enough, not to mention trying to fit in dates with multiple people. It's hard enough to schedule first dates with new people, but then if someone wants a second date...well it's just hard. Sometimes I just want "me" time. Ok, I just needed to rant a little. I'm not done with my "too many boys like me" rant. Which by the way, is a rant I've never had the privilege of doing until now.

Third Bird: If nothing else comes from this whole experiment (well apart from me winning and you all coming to visit me), it has given me a whole new outlook on dating. Before doing this I was terrified of dating, I know crazy right! But seriously, if someone asked me out I would basically start hyperventilating. And then I would come up with a list of things wrong with them and convince myself it would never work just so I wouldn't have to try. I was still in the "secret crush" phase of life where you like a guy, but he can't know because he might not like you back ( come to think of it, that probably explains my dating dry spell). This was the mentality I started this whole thing with. The first time I got the dreaded "Thanks, but..." response I thought I was going to die. If I hadn't just shelled out the big bucks for the 3 month membership I probably would've quit right there. Pathetic I know, but at least my stingy-ness kept me going. But after I realized that I had never even met this guy and he was probably a douche anyway (obviously since he didn't want to date me) my whole dating attitude changed. I went on a "winking" spree and decided that I had 3 months, I might as well have some fun. I mean what's the worse that happens, you find a friend? you get a good story? Dating doesn't have to be about finding "The One" and you shouldn't feel bad if someone isn't interested because there's plenty more where he came from. I've officially jumped on D and Lo's "Eggs in the Basket" bandwagon. I have upgraded from a middle school relationship maturity to maybe high school, early college. Lot's of progress for a month and half if you ask me! Who knows, by the end of all this I might have actually caught up to my age.

Last Bird: I have another date to report on...date number 5! I don't have a clever (or not so clever) name for this one so we'll just call him date 5. I very much enjoyed this date. He was very up front saying he like the "friends first" approach so that might have taken some of the awkwardness away. Anyway, we meet for coffee (hot cider if you are me) and talked for a couple hours. We didn't have as much in common as I had thought we would, but I still very much enjoyed the conversation. There was an abundance of sarcasm and poking fun at each other, which as you all can probably guess are big turn-ons for me. We ended the date with a hug because he had to go let his dog out (dog is another plus). I don't know what will happen, but I definitely would like to see him again. Date 5 is a success.

MIA

So, I'm back ... sorry for the lack of posts recently, I was out of the country and thus, out of the online dating loop. I wish we included something on here for a makeout competition ... and opened it up to non online boys. I met the CUTEST British doctor on vacation and let me just say, his bottom teeth were a tiiinnnyyy bit crooked but that didn't detract from his makeout skills in the least.

Anyway, online dating. I feel like I've fallen into a rut already. I keep getting "noticed" by gross, nasty, DISGUSTING guys, which I obviously reject. I'm still emailing with 5 guys who have yet to suggest meeting face-to-face, which I'm okay with because the first date experience, the few days leading up to it and the few days after, are tiring ... stressing about what to wear, where to go, the usual barrage of questions like a strange interview. then, if the date goes well, I'm left wondering if he had a good time and if he'll call me again. Ugh. I need something big to happen to re-spark my interest in this competition.

The Engineer texted me while I was out of town, which was cute. I almost felt a tiny tummy flop when I read his first text. Last night we talked on the phone for a half hour. Sadly, the conversation wasn't exactly enthralling. We have plans to hang out this weekend. Date #2.

Ironically, I'm still being strongly pursued by Clammy Hands and he actually called me as I'm typing this. I didn't answer, he left a voicemail. For the sake of the competition I'm considering a second date, but at the same time I don't feel like being groped again or fighting off unwanted advances. Dilemma. Any thoughts and opinions ladies?

On the topic of guys, a friend of mine is coming into town from Chi for the weekend. We had a little fling before graduation last spring but that was it. We dirty text on a fairly regular basis but haven't seen each other since May. I'm action starved, that vacay makeout was not enough to ... fill me up, if you will. My question is, do I or don't I with the friend? Obvi I can't count this as part of the competition, but why not have some fun on the side, right?

How the shit ....

I'm so cynical of life, let alone internet dating--I still can't believe I am doing this. In the past handful of days, I have sent out 55 emails to randoms on POF. 5 of which I am currently entertaining correspondence. Some of the conversations are nice; some very entertaining; one has really bad grammar. Are any promising? For what? So, then, how do I decide if I want to meet these guys? Just keep emailing and let them ask?

Voting has begun...

I can't decide if this guys is creepy for funny....read the message below and weigh in!


"...how is your week shaping up? Somehow I'd like to land an evening with you!"

"...ahahahaha....when are you free? I couldn't resist! My schedule has been hectic lately, but I'd love to play hookie and catch up with you!"

Thoughts?

The hard questions.

And so the process begins... though, I must admit, you girls are intimidating, but then again, y'all have had a month head start (more if you're KT).

Tonight, I became a "Serious Member" on Plentyoffish.com (POF). So far as I can tell, the only benefit of being a "Serious Member" is that other members now know I'm serious. Wow. Great. $30 later, I'm a "Serious Member" for 3 months. Niiiice. So then, I work to perfect my profile. I'd left it sort of skeletal until just a few moments ago. Deciding exactly how to portray yourself to prospective suitors is perplexing. POF offers basically zero helpful matching tools. The whole site is basically a free for all of fish in a low tech ocean. I'm just trying to swim above all the bottom feeders. Seriously.

So, this is what I came up with; About Me: About Me

In August, I completed my second bachelors degree and am beginning my career. After five years of dedicated study, I am ready to dedicate myself to the career I have laid out in front of me. I love the work I do, and will speak of it freely when the opportunity is right; however, I prefer not to use it as a ploy to be asked on interview-style dates (the idea of such things is my greatest pet peeve).

In particular, I am new to the area and have few social connections. There's a lot to learn about this area and I look forward to the chance to explore with someone new.

I practice writing as an art in order to create an archive of the lives we live. Know that an email from me is likely to be lengthy. I am interested in many type of social experiments and informal anthropology.

I love the juxtaposition between technology & modernity // tradition & antiquity.

I find it endlessly interesting that if I were to say "I like Radiohead," most members of my generation will immediately and ultimately categorize my taste in music in a very particular (but mostly over-generalized) genre. I like Radiohead.

Through this process, I'd like to meet new people. I am not "into" a particular "type" of guy as I am unlikely to fit into a particular "type" myself. Intelligence and intrigue are significant factors.

First Date

Deep and meaningful conversation in an atmosphere that both facilitates and creates such opportunities. Long walks to no where, meeting for coffee/tea, art museums, etc.

----

And the toughest decision of all? The little line next to my height (I rounded up to 5'10" to ward off undesirable short guys) which reads "Profession"..... thus far the most daunting self-revealing item. For this, I write: "Director; Restorative/Preservative Art." Very honest, I think.

Tonight I learned:

From L.Lo: The best way to relax before a first blind date _______.

From KT: This is a contest... news to me! Yikes. I thought I was just here to encourage my writing and meet my future ex-husband. Shit.

Double Trouble

Date 4: Teacher part 2

So I went on another date with the teacher. We met up for dinner at a restaurant by school since I would coming directly from class (That's right, I had to be super cool and show up with my back pack!!!) Anyway, the second date was definitely less awkward than the first. Though our waiter wasn't helping anything by hitting on me the whole night. He was always coming up an talking to me, not even acknowledging that there was another person at my table. He brought be a free beer because he "thought I'd like it and wanted me to try it" but didn't bring one for the teacher. I found it amusing but the teacher looked a little annoyed.The night ended with a hug, I think he might have wanted more, which got me thinking...
How many dates should you give it to see if there is actually something there? I mean, the teacher and I have been on two dates now, decent dates, but still no real spark. As a wise person once told me "if you can't picture his *BLEEP* in your mouth, the relationship isn't gonna go anywhere." While I maybe would've put it more delicately, that's kind of where I am on this one. He has asked me to go out again. Do I give it another date and see if something changes? How many dates can you go on with someone you don't see anything really happening with before it's just mean? Though let's be real, the mere participation in our little competition suggests that all of our moral compasses are a little off (some more than others...cough). Maybe I wont worry about it.

Until next time,
xoxo

I Have Outdone Myself This Time...

Oh my goodness, last night was quite the night. I had my first date. Kind of my first dates. Technicalities...First of all, I was very calm and relaxed for date. I would say that was a plus. I am not positive that I didn't hurt someone's feelings...but hey. That is the arrangement you wanted. I bet he didn't think it would be me having all the fun. Details will be divulged in private for those who request them.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Girls is pimps, too.

Anyways, my date. We shall call him "The Pilot." Because he is a pilot. Good thinking, eh? He is young...21 I think. But...he has a hella good job, a house, and a BMW. And big muscles! So I show up, after pushing my date back half an hour for personal reasons, and he looks much better than in his pictures. In the future, pilots look dorky in their uniforms. But anyways, things were cool. We had a few drinks and watched the Wings lose to the Wild (boo). And by we, I mean me. He doesn't love hockey like we love hockey. I am confident that he could learn, though. So the night went pretty well. No weird silences or anything, but there was minimal flirting since we were sitting across from each other. It makes it hard to be leg touching, etc. Just FYI. Drinks are maybe better sitting at the bar. More opportunity for physical contact. Just sayin'--don't wanna get in that friend zone. So we're getting ready to go and this Playmate blonde lady comes up to me and is all in my face. "I just had to tell you. YOU ARE SOOOO BEAUTIFUL. You are gorgeous! God, you are just so pretty. Is that your man? Is he your man? He is? Oh damn..." A lesbian came up and hit on me on our date. HOW DOES SOMETHING WEIRD LIKE THAT ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME? That would not happen to anyone else. Haha. So he walked me to my car, I gave him a hug and left. Not bad, not bad.

Then, like 5 minutes after I leave I get a text saying how he had a good time and wants to see me again. I said I would like that and thanks again for the drinks. He texted me again today just to say hi and see how my day is going. I guess it's not just lesbians who like me!

Operation: EGGS IN BASKET. I'm liking it. No more nice girl. I'm done being the one who gets screwed over. ZERO expectations. Time to have fun. Fuck it. If something happens, great. But until then, party time. I'm not a slut, I just kiss a lot. That is my other new motto. Words to live by, ladies. Words to live by.

19 Jan 2010 (retro-post)

So here I am, already browsing, browsing, browsing, the fish in the sea. Did I mention that I set this account up before I feel asleep/as I was passing out? I did it on my phone therefore, my initial profile was total crap--no description nor photos. Come on, I did it on my iPhone.

To quote, my profile originally read, About Me: "I'm not ready to do this.I'm not ready to do this. I'm not ready to do this.I'm not ready to do this.I'm not ready to do this.I'm not ready to do this. I'm doing this from my iPhone and it's not fun."

Brilliant, right? Not to mention, my apprehension in taking up this project.

Pure impulse, sounds like so much of my unplanned life and my past pseudo-relationships if you really must know--seemed like a good idea at the time. Anyhow, I'm realizing that if I really want to give this a try, I've got to actually put some attention into the process. As L.Lo reflected--the process has a lot to do with self-reflection and analyzing what it is that I actually want--like academic work, like working out, like grief work--all these processes demand a great deal of the focused self. I reckon I ought to put some good effort in if I am to take it, and to be taken, seriously.

29 Jan 2010

More profile progress: Handful of photos (what I really need is to do a glamor shot photo shoot, L.Lo, you got some mascara and a camera?!), list of interests, vagueness about my career and degrees, but I still included that cover-all co-out: "I originally began drafting this on my iPhone before I realized that I need to put some major effort into it if I expect to get anything out of it. More to come..."

And there it is, for now. Until then, I dream of furthering this social experiment and possibly some interesting experiences. Something to write about, at least, right? Eggs, baskets, blogs.

Quote of the Day

Girl 1: "I would never online date, I need a good 'how we met story'. But if this guy doesn't work out for you give him my number."
Girl 2: "So it's ok for you to find guys through me online dating?"
Girl 1: "Yes, that is a much better story!"

Easy as 1, 2, 3...

So I figured out why I don't date...it's like a full time job. Between the searching, matching, "winking", e-mails, plus the rest of my life, it is hard to fit the actual dates in. With that said, I have "successfully" completed three dates this past week (yes, successfully is in quotes for a reason).

Date 1: Mr. Good

My first date was with a teacher, nice guy, good guy, almost too good. I'm trying to convince myself that that isn't a bad trait. We'll see how that goes. It's weird "nice guy" has always been on my list, but it's looking like I need him to have a bit of an edge too! Anyway, we agreed to meet up for coffee at the place of his choosing (unlike some people I'm not trying to have 4 hour first dates...creepy). I was impressed by his choice of location, a little neighborhood coffee shop which also happened to serve wine and beer! On a total side note, these kind of places are popping up all over the city and I LOVE them. He earned points for choice of date location. We both ordered hot chocolate (I wasn't about to order alcohol if he wasn't) and sat and talked for awhile, nothing too exciting. Given that it was my first date in a LONG time I wasn't sure if the semi-frequent awkward pauses were normal or not (subsequent dates have proven that they are in fact NOT the norm). We'd be talking and all of the sudden there would be a pause and he would stare at me dreamily. Kind of flattering I guess, but also kind of creepy. After the PG beverages we both ordered a beer (score!) and continued with conversation. The last hour of our date consisted of telling drinking stories. But wait! Before you get too excited about how much fun that sounds, let's just say I had to severely sensor my stories because his were all so tame and I didn't want to scare him. So if anyone asks...the crasiest thing I've ever done drunk is "watch" my "roommate" bring home a traffic cone (that crazy roommate). The end of the date was a little weird as I rushed out to catch my bus (that is what we city people use for transportation). All in all though, it was an o.k. date, nothing amazing but not bad. I would say date one falls on the success side of the spectrum. We have dinner plans tomorrow so stay tuned.

Date 2: Andre the Giant

So I am roughly 5'3" (5'4" on a tall day) and my second date was 6'8"! I sometimes wonder what the world looks like from up there. I was actually most excited about this date out of the three I've been on thus far. Partially because I am just so intrigued by his height and partially because I really enjoyed our e-mail conversation and partially because he has really good credentials (does that make me shallow?) We seem to have a lot in common and he's a bit of a smart ass like me (always a plus). It took us like 3 weeks to actually meet up because his work schedule is so crazy but we finally were able to meet up for drinks at one of my favorite bars (granted I did the picking). When I met him at the bar I realized just how tall 6'8" is...REALLY TALL! Luckily we sat down at a table so the height difference wasn't so noticeable. We had good conversation with no awkward pauses which made me realize just how awkward my conversation with Mr. Good had been. It was a short date, he had to work (catching a pattern) but it was fun. Again, date two is definitely on the success side of things. Though I was less than pleased when ended the date by putting the ball in my court! What? I have to make the next move? Uncool. Typically I wouldn't have done anything, but I decided for the sake of our social experiment (and me winning) I would man up. We now have plans this weekend.

Date 3: Douche

I was getting disappointed that my dates were all very normal compared to some of the dates being posted on this site (well one in particular). But alas, date three came around. Now you might I am evil for titling this one "Douche" but after he told me Douche was a nickname for his Indian name, well I completely forgot what his real name was so I couldn't write that even if I wanted too. He will forever be known in my stories as Douche. We met up Monday night and a relatively fancy bar which was nice, I like being fancy sometimes. I was all set to order a beer but then he ordered a vodka tonic, and well my general rule is not to order a beer if the guy doesn't, so I ordered wine. Slight problem, I forgot that wine had a significantly higher alcohol content. So let me preface the rest of the story by saying I was a pretty tips for most of this date. It's probably a good thing I was too, let's just say the conversation was weird and he really liked to talk. Here are some highlights.

- His first question was "why are you on Match?" I left out the whole competition/joke part and just responded "me and some friends decided to try it out together so we're all on different sites seeing what happens." Not a total lie. He then replied with "you guys should start a blog!" I laughed. Though I did not tell him we have one.

- He then proceeded to tell me how he is a "breaker" meaning that he likes to go into banks and look around and plan out how he would rob them. He doesn't, but he likes to imagine. I have yet to come up with the appropriate reaction to this part of the conversation.

- The highlight of the night was when he explained to me how arranged marriages work in India and how since he is over 30 he doesn't really have any offers anymore. Way to sell yourself on a date...a first date at that. I didn't really want to ask, but I'm guessing this is why he is on Match.

- Finally he offered me a ride home which I appreciated (I had walked there and it was now really cold) so he asked where I lived. I told him the intersection and he said something which I didn't really understand because of his accent (note to self: become more culturally sensative) so I just agreed. Apparently he had been asking me if I lived in the Eitel Apartments...I do not. So I got dropped off in front of a building I don't live in (luckily it is close) and he now thinks I live there. I didn't bother to correct him. Failure is such  harsh word, so I will say date three was less than successful.

Quote of the Day

So I've noticed that online dating results in interesting conversations. To keep track of the highlights I'm instituting Quote of the Day (aka post any bits of funny conversations resulting from online dating)!!!

"How wrong is it to push a first date back to have sex with another guy?"

Small world

So I'm doing my nightly match checking and, per usual, I have a few new matches. I reject the first few, opt to "decide later" on one of them, and click on my last new match, someone who has "noticed" me ... He has 16 pictures, which is great for me because I'm judgmental and it gives me a lot to critique. Strangely, he looks kind of familiar. As I hit pictures 5 and 6, I realize why ... he's the TWIN BROTHER of my high school spanish teacher. This man (my teacher) was not only fairly unattractive, but he was incredibly awkward ... there are pictures of them together. Needless to say I am slightly scarred. Yet at the same time, part of me wants to respond and say I'm interested, just because it would make for a ridiculous and probably appalling story. I don't think I have the balls to do it, but I haven't rejected him yet.

Introducing, girl 4

I'm always looking for the next social experiment. Ladies, I think this is the final frontier. I've signed up for Plentyoffish.com. Let's make history.

Eff

A quick update ... I just read an email from date 1 telling me he had a great time on our date and apologizing if he came on too strong too soon. Do I feel like a super bitch now? Just a bit. Looks like Gossip Girl and I are for sure burning in hell...

Clammy Hands and The Engineer

Dear Gossip Girl,

I am so not dating an Asian. I made sure the site will only match me with Whiteys and African Americans ... yet strangely I was matched with a Mexican yesterday? I should probably change my preference to just White because I've rejected everyone else. Also, as I lay in bed writing this, I can already feel the flames of hell ready and waiting to get me when my time comes.

So, I went on my first and second official online dates this past week. I'll start with date 1 (I won't be using any names just to save my ass, should anyone actually ever read this blog). The date was set on a Tuesday night. The plan was dinner and watching a hockey game. Sounds like fun, right? I thought so ... until I actually spoke to date 1 on the phone to set up plans. I suggested we check out a sports bar, eat dinner while watching the game, kill 2 birds with 1 stone. Plus, it being a first date, I didn't want it to be super awkwardly long in the event that we didn't click and I wanted to get out of there ASAP. Anyway, my suggestion of a sports bar was shot down and he wanted to do dinner at 6, then relocate to watch the wings. Do the math, that's a 4 HOUR FIRST DATE!!! It's awkward enough having that "get to know you" conversation and dragging it out for 4 hours seemed like torture. So, I show up to the restaurant, talking to one of my bff's on the phone for moral support and he happened to walk in the same time as me. We introduced ourselves and rather than a hand shake or head nod, he leaned in for an awkward half hug. I was totally caught off guard and slightly weirded out ... I don't like being touched by strangers. So we're in the restaurant, sitting, chatting, eating. All went well, the conversation was decent but I could already tell that it wasn't going anywhere and there was no interest on my end. Dinner ended around 7:30 and we walked to a bar down the street. Unfortunately, it wasn't a sports bar and the accommodations for TV watching were sub par. For us to both get a good view of the game we had to sit next to each other at a table for 4. We're sitting next to each other, watching the game, chatting. By this point he's had 3 beers and I've had 1/3 of a martini. Well, 3 beers must have gotten his confidence up because he started edging closer to me, brushing his leg against mine under the table, which lead to him putting his hand on my knee/thigh, squeezing it at one point, then moving it to the back of my chair and even rubbing my back. All the while I was scooting to the edge of my chair, crossing my legs away from him, doing everything possible to send the "I DON'T WANT YOU TOUCHING ME" signal. And to make matters worse, HIS HANDS WERE CLAMMY!! SO clammy that I could feel it through my sweater. UGH. I'm sorry, I may sound terrible, but that just grosses me out. I'm not into you, I don't want you touching me, AND your hands are sweaty. Can I go home now? On top of that, to make me feel even worse, he keeps talking about going out in the future and where we'll go, what we'll do. Knowing full well I have no desire to date him, I could only smile and nod in response. The awkward question of "so, have you met anyone else on 'this'" came up. Come to find out, I was only the second date he'd ever been on from his many months of being on chemistry.com. Here I am, in the email/pre-meeting stages with at least 5 other guys ... So I'm pretty much an online dating slut. Cool. Finally the game ends, the bill is paid and we're on our way out of the bar. It was cold so I put my hands in my coat pockets. He asks "may I?" and slips his hand through my elbow. Awkward. Isn't it supposed to be the girl who does that? Holds onto the man's arm? Whatever, just more unwanted touching. Now we're at my car ... the awkward goodbye. I guessed, based on the handsy-ness previously, he was going to go for a kiss, so as I said goodbye I gave him a half hug, saw him lean in for my face and pulled a strategic head turn, giving him nothing but cheek. Crisis averted, or so I thought until he tried for a second hug/kiss combo. Ballsy move, guy! I gave him an even lesser hug and barely any cheek. I get in my car, SO glad the date is over, and instantly call my friend to relay the gory details of my evening and laugh until I felt better. Basically, I consider date 1 a fail.

Date 2: The Engineer
My second date was tonight. I already had higher hopes for the evening because, based on date 1, I could really only go up from there. Also, date 2 and I had spoken on the phone a couple times and surprisingly the convos weren't awkward. We met up for dinner at 7. Conversation went well, we had plenty to talk about. Once we started eating it was slightly awkward, that silence when you're chewing and look up only to make eye contact and half smile with your mouth full ... yeah. Note to self: don't order food that has to be held, ie. a sandwich. For some reason I feel weird using my hands to eat on a first date. But I also read in Cosmo that guys judge you when you order a salad for dinner. Dilemma. Anyway, we made it through dinner just fine and headed over to a bar to watch a hockey game. Anyone notice a pattern here? Thankfully date 2 was not a repeat with sweaty hands and unwanted touching. We sat across from each other, enjoyed a few beers, watched my team lose :(. The waitress brought the bill and I offered to pay because date 2 bought dinner. He told me it was "lame", but I insisted. I feel bad having these dates pay for my food and drinks when I'm not sure I want to continue dating them, but I found it nice that he wanted to pay for it all. The bill is paid and we walk outside, he walks me to my car and gives me a hug goodbye, no lean in for the kill, and I told him to give me a call if he wanted to go out again sometime. I don't know if date 2 is someone I could date long term, but I wouldn't mind a second date. I consider date 2 a success.

All in all, I learned that I need to perfect my body language signals for "no touching", not to order sandwiches or "hand food", and to maybe suggest meeting for coffee rather than dinner to avoid dragging out an awkward situation.

Bring on date 3 ....