I don't know what to say..on so many levels. I don't know what to title this blog post. I don't know what to say about some of these guys (yes, Other Match Girl I have seen the same text phenomenon). But most importantly...I don't know what to say to the guy that just asked me to be his girlfriend!!!! Yeah, you read that right.
Here's the story: I knew coffee guy liked me a lot. I guess that whole "He's Just Not That Into You" guy is right, when a guy really does like you, he lets you know it! But today he asked me to be his girlfriend and I'm not sure how I feel about it. I can't sort through my thoughts enough to write in eloquent prose so here it is:
1) He asked me out via text message! Lame. We will be having words about that. But actually it kind of works out nice because I am able to figure out what I want to say before I reply.
2) We've only been on 3 dates (the 3rd of which was date 10 for me btw)!!! Am I crazy for thinking that is super soon? I mean I don't even know his last name!
3) I like him, I think. He's nice and sweet and I've had a lot of fun with him. But the whole girlfriend thing so soon (and via text) is kind of freaking me out. Do I really want that kind of guy? I'm not sure whether or not it should be a deal breaker though. Thoughts?
4) In past experiences if a relationship gets too serious too fast I freak out and end it. Sometimes I regret that later. Part of me wants to do that here. But at the same time maybe I should stop running away because I'm scared.
5) I feel like the fact that I don't know what I want to say isn't a good sign, right? I mean I feel like you should WANT to start a relationship with someone. You should be excited about it. Maybe that's just my romantic fantasies talking, but does the fact that I don't feel that way mean I should give up on it completely?
6) Plus, I don't know if I want to be exclusive just yet. I mean, I just started having some fun playing this whole "dating" game! There is still another guy I'm talking to from the site that I would like to meet. Plus, I've got my little secret neighbor crush that I want something to happen with. I don't think I know coffee guy well enough to know if I want to take myself out of the game for him just yet. Or maybe I'm just using that as an excuse not to deal with a relationship. Am I over thinking this?
7) I don't think I have time for a boyfriend, honestly. I barely have time for school and my 2 jobs (plus all the other crap I have managed to get myself signed up for). Even if I wanted to see him everyday I couldn't, there aren't enough hours in the day. I feel like starting a relationship now would be dumb because I would never be able to do anything anyway.
Given all the thoughts above, here's where I think I'm at. I'm definitely not ready to be his "girlfriend" but I don't think I want to completely discard him yet either. And because I can't wait forever to reply (I figure I have until I get off work today, I mean it's plausible that I didn't check my cell at work, right?), this is what I'm thinking of saying (I will be replying via text since the question was asked via text...its only fair. Hopefully the reply is 160 characters or less).
"Are you really asking me that question via text? :) I like you too and I would like to keep seeing you but I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet. Especially with how busy my life is right now with school and everything."
Do you think that's fair? Based on all my mini rants above does that seem like I good move? Let me know your thoughts? I could use some outside eyes looking at this situation.
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On a separate note, I have another meeting Wednesday night that secret neighbor crush will be at. How do I make him ask me on a date? I think I kind of really like this guy and in light of recent events would like to see if there is the possibility of anything there sooner rather than later.
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I think committing to someone should be waaay long in the future. It's great that you have a connection but I think being in a relationship means you see this lasting a long while into the future. You've talked about things that you want/need/etc. You have spent a lot of time together. 3 dates is too soon. You don't know if he has one of your "can't stands" or doesn't have one of your "must haves" because YOU BARELY KNOW HIM! Yes, you guys like each other. But if you become official now...in 3 months you'll be done. And you'll have lost 3 months of other opportunities. You have to KNOW that you don't want to be with anyone else to enter into monogamy with them. Tell him you want to keep seeing him but you don't think it's fair to start this half-assed. You don't have the time to commit right now and that's not fair to him. So keep seeing each other and one day it might develop into you both knowing you want to be together, instead of just knowing you want to explore it further. Ya know?
ReplyDeleteDon't pussy foot and NO ONE OF US SHOULD COMMIT TO A RELATIONSHIP VIA TEXT! KT, you have the right instincts, but do not commit do not commit!!! And don't say "no" in a way that sounds like "Yes" or "yes in 3 months" or anything like that. You need to stay a little freaked out that he wants to move so fast. Keeeeeep fishing. Tell him you want to keep seeing him but that being exclusive is not part of what you're interested in now.
ReplyDeleteTHERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA! AND ON THE INTERWEBS AND MORE ON THE LAND!
Meeting-neighbor: Us girls are too bright and too smart for bullshit games about trying to get guys to ask us out: grow a pair and find a way to see him again. Getting him to ask you on a date is like going from 0 to 90 without a car; you just need to find a bike or something--find away to see him again--totally casual. Sledding? Shoveling? coffee? TOTALLY CAUSAL! Do not think of it as a date, do not ask him on a date, do not expect him to ask you on a date--you want to see more of him, so make it happen--no pressure--in a way he cannot say no.
by the bye, uhhh, I'm finding it hard to say "no" or "bye" or "goodnight" to apw...
I'm not one to follow "rules" when it comes to dating, but...if you don't know his last name and he relies too heavily on texting to communicate with you, you shouldn't be in a relationship with him this soon. You're not in 6th grade. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for neighbor guy...I'm with Veda...grow a pair and ask him to do something! I know you don't like coffee, but ask him if he wants to grab a drink after the meeting...invite other people too if it's too scary.
your text response to boyfriend wannabe is good. no way in hell should you ever accept any sort of girlfriend text proposal, that's the lamest shit i've ever heard. my last legit boyfriend, steve, was drunk when he asked me to be his girlfriend ... that should have been a sign. face-to-face and sober is the way it should be. and your hangups about starting a serious relationship with him are also signs. if you really like him and want to be with him, you won't hesitate or second guess or feel so unsure about it. i agree with veda and l.lo, tell him you like him but would like to get to know him more/better before becoming exclusive.
ReplyDeletefor the neighbor: i third the "grow a pair" advice. if you'd be more comfortable going out with a group to make it sound more casual, tell him that you and some friends are going out for drinks after the meeting and he should join you. OR, depending on what the meeting is about, tell him you're going to do a little investigating/research and say he's welcome to come along.
either way, keep on fishing!!
Will you be my girlfriend? Check one:
ReplyDelete[ ] yes
[ ] no
[ ] maybe
[X]
ReplyDeletexoxo.
/v./